Bumblebee, 02 April 2019, Blu-ray via Redbox
Apparently I liked John Cena enough in #Blockers that I actually rented this? Well, at least Hailee Steinfeld got a wardrobe that realistically like a teenage girl who fixes cars, unlike poor Megan Fox. And the reviews are right: This one, at least, has a comprehensible storyline with recognizable character beats.
Shazam!, 09 April 2019, Cinemark Tinseltown USA
I love how much this movie leans into its cheesiness, which makes the intense violence of the demon attack scenes all the more dissonant in comparison. WTF was that board room scene, and did the filmmakers understand how young their audience might be? But for real, I want the movie about the grown-up team, because they were ADORABLE.
Welcome to Marwen, 15 April 2019, Blu-ray via Redbox
This movie is so goddamn weird. Also, not enough Janelle Monae. But such is the way of Steve Carell roles meant to be Oscar bait.
The Kid Who Would Be King, 16 April 2019, Blu-ray via Redbox
This is just a delightfully old-school movie. British schoolchildren learn how to SWORD FIGHT in the course of one day to defeat ancient immortal enemies? Like, I remember nothing else about it, after watching, but it’s still a decent romp.
Glass, 17 April 2019, Blu-ray via Redbox
Well, this is certainly way better than Split. (“Better” = Less cannibalism.) Probably because it leans allllllll the way into the meta. The most charming thing about the series is how SLJ’s character, the titular Glass, is 100% mapping his entire reality onto a comic book by force of will. And it’s kind of a neat ending! Even though, well. It’s nonsense.
Against the Clock, 19 April 2019, DVD via Redbox
There are zero things original about this movie (Limitless crossed with The Bourne Identity crossed with a pseudo-Blade Runner aesthetic), but I have a deep and abiding affection Justin Bartha, okay? It’s not a good movie, really, but it’s the kind of thing you have on while you’re folding laundry.
Hellboy, 20 April 2019, UA Breckenridge Stadium 12
Okay, so:
- This movie is hella gory.
- Hellboy has a man bun.
- Milla Jovovich remains luminous.
- You make that money, Daniel Dae Kim. MAKE THAT MONEY.
Avengers: Infinity War, 23 April 2019, streamed via Netflix
Still predictable. Still sad as hell.
Justice League vs the Fatal Five, 23 April 2019, DVD via Redbox
I mean, who can’t love a superhero movie where the two protagonists have, respectively, PTSD and schizophrenia? These animated movies aren’t as giddily wonderful as the DC Animated Universe in its heydey, but they’re still a good watch.
Avengers: Endgame, 26 April 2019, Hot Springs VIP Cinema
Knowing about the actors’ contracts really took the mystery out of the outcome, it turns out. (I still cried.) But I seriously loved the interim scenes, where we saw how absolutely the world had shrunk in those five intervening years. Also, the weirdness of Natasha having blonde hair is worth it, for that one stark visual of her hair growing out in its natural color. As I told my sister after seeing that: That is clearly a woman who has stopped giving a fuck about ANYTHING.
The Quake, 26 April 2019, DVD via Redbox
It’s any disaster movie you’ve ever seen, but in Norway. But the huge set-piece where everyone is delicately trying to slide down an entirely tilted restaurant to rescue somebody from crashing off the side of a skyscraper? Pure, terrifying magic.
Miss Bala, 30 April 2019, Blu-ray via Redbox
This happened, I guess. (I want to be more supportive of action movies starring non-white women, but there was not a lot of there here.) One month down!
