The Current War, 01 April 2020, DVD via Redbox
D’you think Cumberbatch grows weary of playing socially maladept geniuses? Anyway, Tom Holland looks adorable with mutton chops. Anyway, I did not expect so much of this movie to be dedicated to capital punishment, but controversy drives invention, I guess.
Miss Fisher and the Crypt of Tears, 08 April 2020, streamed via Acorn TV
I watched all three seasons in eight days. I NEED MORE. (Also, all danger and awkward distances aside, how are Phryne and Jack not just, like, constantly boning? I mean, I assume that’s what’s happening whenever they’re offscreen, BUT STILL.) Also, this is a delightful one-off adventure, but I was quite sad that we only saw most of the old gang in that one early scene. MOAR SHOW.
Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone, 12 April 2020, streamed via Google Play
I have reached the “watching the movies” stage of the Potterless podcast, so here we go. Annoyingly, my copies of the first four movies are in California, so I’m streaming this first bunch. And dudes, these kids are all SO TINY. I know folks give the first two movies flak for aligning overly closely with the books, but I suspect fandom would have rebelled at anything else, in the beginning. Also, Movie Ron is rather clever in this one, which makes the subsequent devolution of Ron Weasley: Wizard Chess Grandmaster all the more perplexing.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 12 April 2020, streamed via Google Play
It’s been decades, and I STILL get angry that Dobby is able to successfully frame Harry for the magical hijinks. WTF, Ministry of Magic? This is a GIGANTIC flaw in your tracking system! Anyway, kudos to the Slytherin trio in this edition: the actors playing Crabbe and Goyle got a fun chance to stretch themselves, and Malfoy’s confused, “I didn’t know you could read,” makes me snort every time. (Apparently that was an ad lib from Tom Felton, which is amazing.) Also, I kind of love the depiction of the Slytherin common room, AS WE ALL KNEW WOULD BE THE CASE.
Underwater, 14 April 2020, Blu-ray via Redbox
For some reason I’ve developed a stronger tolerance for danger-in-the-depths thrillers, in the same way I crave astronaut shenanigans--as long as there’s a sliver of unbelievability, I am totally good. Plus, Kristin Stewart and Jessica Henwick! But seriously, if you’re into disaster movies, they don’t mess around on this one: disaster hits two minutes in and it doesn’t ever stop.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, 15 April 2020, streamed via Google Play
Ye gods, this movie is gorgeous, and the kids seem like graceless, hormone-laden, messy jerks that all kids are at that age, and it’s great. As has been noted a lot, the Marauders are about a decade and a half older than they should be according to canon, but otherwise the entire feel of this film is great. Also a pretty seismic shift from the last two play-it-safe movies, which IIRC was stunning to pretty much everybody.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 16 April 2020, streamed via Google Play
W-why is this movie a transition-less, context-less mess? Why is Dumbledore so not Dumbledory? Still gorgeous, though.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, 17 April 2020, DVD
It’s pretty remarkable that, in a series about the ascent of Wizard Hitler, “I must not tell lies” is the most horrifying thing that happens in these stories. But also, this is where we get the Boss Battle, and it’s pretty awesome.
Zombieland: Double Tap, 17 April 2020, Blu-ray via Redbox
Why does this movie exist? I feel like the answer is 100% “Why not?”
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 18 April 2020, DVD
Watching these youngsters fumble every single romantic encounter is both wonderfully awkward and painfully unwatchable.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1, 19 April 2020, DVD
Showing Hermione obliviating her parents is such a horrifying and also strong choice, and I alllllmost wish that was the entire first scene. BUT ALSO how dare they cut the only evidence we have of Dudley possibly eventually becoming a decent human being? (It’s in the deleted scenes.) Anyway, this movie is so weird and I love it.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2, 19 April 2020, Blu-ray
I only saw this movie once, at the midnight showing when it premiered. I legit remembered almost no details, so this was a pretty fun rewatch. I did, of course, sob through most of it. As you do.
Sonic the Hedgehog, 29 April 2020, Blu-ray via Redbox
So, like, we never played much Sonic the Hedgehog. We were a Nintendo household. AND YET the nostalgia draw of this movie was strong. (I was the kid who read all those little instruction booklets for the backstory. Game mythologies rock.) Plus, who can resist the cheekbones of James Marsden? Anyway, there is nothing surprising about this movie, but if you’re into this sort of thing, it’s a thing you’ll be sort of into. Pretty good soundtrack, too.
Just Mercy, 29 April 2020, Blu-ray via Redbox
It never stops being infuriating: A black man is sent to death row despite the preponderance of evidence that indicates innocence. This one’s based on a true story in the particulars, but the overall narrative is awfully common. And Michael B Jordan is, once again, excellent in his role, this time as a lawyer who opts to defend folks who’ve been imprisoned unjustly. The supporting cast, including Jamie Foxx, Rob Morgan, and Brie Larson, are quite good, as well. (And this is a painful but excellent follow-up to watching Clemency, which also puts a spotlight on the inhumanity of death row.)
Ophelia, 29 April 2020, DVD via Redbox
What if Ophelia, but Juliet, and also a bit of Viola? Anyway, this is pretty much revisionist Hamlet, and it kind of works? I mean, all the dudes except Horatio still suck, but overall the production is quite pretty.
The Rhythm Section, 30 April 2020, Blu-ray via Redbox
It’s kind of like Taken, or maybe Jennifer Garner’s Peppermint: a woman’s family is killed, so she powers up and seeks revenge. Anyway, I support Blake Lively and all the choices she makes.
And that’s seventeen for the month!
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