New Q, New Moneypenny
Casino Royale, 28 July 2020, streamed via HBO Now
- Having not watched the original Casino Royale, I’m surely missing some significant allusions. That said, way to start in black and white, gentlemen. Classy.
- PARKOUR. Remember how everybody freaked out about the parkour? Now I’m watching this scene, and it doesn’t really seem like parkour? I mean, what Bond is doing. The guy he’s chasing is pretty awesome. Meanwhile, Bond just runs through a frickin’ wall rather than swing himself through a window.
- These Bond Girl names aren’t even trying this time around. Solange? Vesper Lynd? C’mon, guys. (“Stephanie Broadchest” is a snippy little alias, though.)
- Bond and M are what Poe and Leia would have been had they carried on in government for another decade or so.
- Bond emerging from the sea like Aphrodite is hilarious, but dude doesn’t even have a knife strapped on, and thus I am sorely disappointed. Halle Berry’s got one up on you, sir.
- Okay, Bond sitting with the shellshocked Vesper in the shower, still fully done up, is a pretty sweet little scene. But this movie is supposed to be before he stopped having feelings, right?
- ”Shaken or stirred?” “Do I look like I give a damn?” Well, geez, Bond, you were pretty dang precise about your martini last night.
- Watching poker is extremely boring if you cannot actually remember the rules. (I have famously learned how to play four times and not retained any knowledge past the game’s end.)
- Yeah, when I’ve been poisoned my first instinct is to try to administer a defib and antidote all on my own.
- Ugh, I’d forgotten about this stupid torture scene. This new Bond is SO TOUGH that he can get hit directly in the balls repeatedly and still snark at the villain. WE GET IT.
- When I saw this movie in the theatre, it was about the time we got Vesper and Bond in a sailboat that I was like, Wait, why isn’t this movie done yet?
- ”The bitch is dead.” Gross, Bond. I know you’re heartbroken and all, but have a little class.
Quantum of Solace, 29 July 2020, streamed via HBO Now
- Let’s all admit this right up front: This title makes little sense, and I protest mightily.
- Bond Girl Name: Strawberry Fields. Could be worse, I guess?
- AN ASTON MARTIN IS NOT AN OFF-ROAD VEHICLE, BOND.
- Theme song by Jack White and Alicia Keys, because we deserve something discordantly good every once in a while.
- Somehow I didn’t really catch/remember that this movie is almost directly following Casino Royale--Bond is still pretty frickin’ pissed about Vesper and pretending he isn’t.
- And we’ve got Jeffrey Wright’s CIA dudester--I love how this franchise treats CIA agents. They’re invariably well-funded, kind of crass, and annoyingly competent.
- Bond refusing to stay anywhere except in a five-star hotel really underlines why they felt they had to have him accompanied by an accountant last time around.
- There’s a really gross underlying current, that every woman sent to wrangle Bond ends up sleeping with him. (No wonder he’s kind of obsessed with M, though.)
- Nooooo Mathis!
- I anti-dig the colonialist impulses in Bond movies. Like, yes, there are crappy people taking advantage of developing nations and Bond is supposedly trying to stop them, but there’s always at least one scene that screams, “Look, how POOR and VICTIMIZED these people are without us!”
- Seriously, why is M showing up everywhere? I feel like a director shouldn’t have to micromanage one of her agents.
Skyfall, 30 July 2020, streamed via Amazon
- It’s difficult to articulate just how little I care about these cold open action scenes. I mean, sure, they "killed" Bond in this one, but still.
- Bond Girl Name: Severine? Guys, it’s like you’ve just given up.
- You’ve been shot and are presumed dead. Do you try to correct the record once you’ve recovered, or do you take up an expat’s life in Turkey, living completely anonymously as British scorpion guy?
- This poor actress was only named “Bond’s Lover,” ARE YOU KIDDING ME. If you’re going to have Daniel Craig slam the woman against a wall “passionately” through multiple takes, you could at least give her something less patronizing for her resume.
- Bond is so annoyingly petulant at M. Everything about him screams, Why don’t you love me more?
- "M." “Bitch.” Oh, go fuck yourself, Bond.
- I kind of love that the new Q is someone clearly cast because production decided the franchise could use some intense fangirl energy.
- The Shanghai sequence is pretty masterful cinematography. Seriously, the lighting and set design are fabulous, even putting the fight choreography aside.
- Silva’s entrance--one long shot of Bardem meandering across the room talking about cannibal rats--is pretty excellent. (Mendes knocked the look of this movie out of the park.)
- Silva trying to quasi-seduce Bond rather than outright threaten him into compliance is a nice change of pace, at least? (I wasn’t really into Silva as a villain when I first saw this movie, but after watching six Bond movies previous to this one, I am actually relieved he’s got something else going on besides I WILL OWN THE WORLD.)
- They killed Severine by having her anticipate and then actually be SHOT IN THE HEAD and nobody seemed to care.
- This is why you should open hacker’s omega files on an air gapped computer, Q. C’mon. That was a rookie mistake.
- Silva attacking the hearing right as M is making the case that her branch is still relevant is pretty darn on the nose, but it’s a great framing. I mean, Dame Judi Dench was reciting Tennyson, guys.
- I like how, upon the attack, Mallory’s first instinct is to jump over the table towards the attackers to get M out of the way. It’s a nice reversal, given he’s been set up as a bureaucratic adversary.
- Kincaid and the manor in Scotland kind of contravene Vesper’s assessment that James grew up poor? And why didn’t he sell the place eons ago? Also, the new owners are in for a helluva surprise when next they visit the property.
- So, these dudes attacked a hearing at Parliament, where there are government officials and everything, and the response is...for one agent and an admin to retreat to an abandoned manor in Scotland? That seems...not proportional, honestly.
- On one hand, I am annoyed at how Bond keeps prickling at Moneypenny about the one time she almost killed him. On the other hand, she doesn’t seem to feel bad about doing it. So I think it’s a wash?
Spectre, 31 July 2020, streamed via Amazon
- Whoever did all the costumes and hair for the crowd at the Dia de los Muertos festival in the opening scene, I pledge my love to you forever.
- Between blowing up a building and having a fistfight in a helicopter above a festival crowd, it’s kind of clear this Bond does not give a good goddamn about civilians.
- We’ve got evil international organization Spectre this time around, which feels nonsense, given Bond defeated evil international organization Quantum just, like, two movies ago. Also, making the symbol for Spectre an octopus? Clearly this is Hydra.
- How did all four of these movies start off with Bond being taken off fieldwork?
- Bond is suddenly having chemistry with all the dudes in Britain, which is something of a change.
- Hey, Bond, instead of banging the poor lady who’s going to be assassinated and THEN giving her the number of someone to get her out of the country, maybe...maybe do that in the opposite order. But I guess that would require that you have a sliver of empathy for the women you sleep with, so.
- Q getting all nervous about getting fired, as if we all don’t know he’d make at least five times as much in the private sector.
- The score for the Austria chase is almost overwhelming with percussion and it’s perfect.
- James pointing a gun at a mouse and asking, “Who sent you? Who are you working for?” is possibly my favorite thing out of this entire franchise.
- Nice little touch, including a “Vesper Lynd--Interrogation” tape in the room o’ evidence.
- Y’all are spontaneously on the run. How did you manage to bring bespoke evening wear on the train with you?
- ”It was me. It was all me!” Okay, Reverse Flash. You might need some other hobbies. In any case, making Blofeld Bond’s foster brother feels...excessive.
- Ah, there goes Moriarty, falling off another building. But also, seeing M explain all of these shenanigans would be pretty hilarious. “Oh, the new security chief guy? Totally part of a terrorist organization. But don’t worry, I dismantled the surveillance system this council unanimously voted for, then threw him through a window.”
- Kind of how like Brosnan’s movies were always nuclear warhead somethings, Craig’s movies are all imploding buildings.
So this is pretty interesting: Overall, the Brosnan movies objectify women more, AND YET the Craig movies treat women worse.
Anyway, I’m calling for a moratorium on evil international organizations.
No comments:
Post a Comment