My So-Called Life falls squarely into my 90s kid purview AND YET I never watched it and even further, never really wanted to watch it. Like, what do I care about teenage angst when I could be, like, memorizing the scripts of X-Men: The Animated Series? (Yeah, it's coming.) But I guess IT IS TIME.
This is a lot of flannel, y'all. A LOT.
Logline
Teenagers. Have. So. Many. Feelings.
Dramatis Personae
From leftish to rightish:
Jordan Catalano would really like you to, like, stop trying to make things so complicated, you know, why are you like this
Brian Krakow, proto-incel
Sharon Cherski, Angela's childhood friend, briefly estranged, has some intense hair
Angela Chase, the overthinkiest girl that ever lived in overthinkdom
Rayanne Graff, no, she's fine, so what if she's having another drink, she's only had, like three of them and that's a normal lunch, back off, okay
Danielle Chase, a dead-on impersonator of her older sister, mostly because that's the only way her parents will ever pay attention to her
Graham Chase, the stereotypical "fun" dad with all the downsides associated with such
Patty Chase, long-suffering, dependable, intensely competent, she does not deserve any of this
Rickie Vazquez, TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD
Wherefore Art Thou
I hated teenage girls when I was a teenage girl. (I'm not saying it was right, I'm just saying it was.) I entered into this watch with great trepidation, despite all the TV critics and cultural commentators I respect having deep and abiding love for it.
Episode Rundown
- 1.01 Pilot
We open with Angela and Rayanne asking for change to make a call and already I'm like, Dang, remember back when?
Then we shift to high school, wherein Angela ponders boys and cheerleaders and she muses, "School is a battlefield...for your heart." OH. MY GOD.
Then an awkward home life, and there's like a whole scene about her father being confused by Angela walking from the shower to her bedroom in a towel, like, it is extremely uncomfortable in a way I do not want to talk about right now. Ugh. And her parents talk about how she could be running around having sex and she's such a STRANGER now that she's dyed her hair red and why is this happening to me?
Angela claims she's in love with Jordan Catalano, but she spends approximately twelve minutes in an intense eye-lock with Sharon so NICE TRY, soft focus lens, NICE TRY. (She also tells her history teacher that Anne Frank was lucky to be "trapped in an attic for three years with this guy she really liked," because Angela is history's greatest monster.)
Angela, Rayanne, and Rickie try to get into a club, some creeper assaults Rayanne in the parking lot, and kudos to the creeper's friend for repeatedly insisting, "Too young," and then shoving the hell out of him when he tries to attack Rayanne. (But, like, don't be friends with the creeper in the first place, my dude.) Rayanne gets totally blitzed and confesses her love for Angela or something in the back of a police car.
It troubles me that Angela's general speech patterns mirror mine if I was, like, speaking three times as slowly as I usually do.
- 1.02 Dancing in the Dark
Angela reminisces about the three kisses she's had so far in her life and I'm like, Angela, no, CPR doesn't count as a kiss, girl, c'mon.
Rayanne, in an attempt to play wingman, tells Jordan that Angela's actually from France because...what? Good lord, was I this dumb when I was fifteen? (Actually...don't tell me.) Jordan...seems to buy it?
Angela's lab partner, Brian, is doing their lab experiment all on his own, so he invites her over to work on it and, uh, Rayanne and Rickie tell Angela that Brian's place is the perfect place to bring Jordan for, I don't know, makeouts? Teenagers are EXHAUSTING. Anyway, Angela bewails that she thinks about Jordan in microscopic detail but HE gets to have, like, other things on his mind, which, y'know. Fair.
Elsewhere, Angela's mom is worried about the state of her marriage. She totally should be, because he's having an affair. Anyway, Sharon's mom suggests ballroom dancing or a drastic haircut, both of which are awful ideas. And yet.
Jordan wants to form a band called Frozen Embryos. Also, Angela's trying to have a conversation about her fake ID and when she points out, TWICE, that hey, you gotta work up to macking in the front seat of his car, she still...thinks he's cool? Good lord. ALSO, Brian points out that the fake ID indicates Angela was literally born yesterday.
Frozen. Embryos.
- 1.03 Guns and Gossip
So, like, Rickie gets in an argument with his cousin about bringing a gun to school. It goes off by accident--slamming, luckily, into a locker and not people--and when everybody runs out to see what happened, someone yells, "That's my soda!" because priorities, right? (It's unfortunate that they give her a scene later and roll with it still, and she's, like the only Black student that's spoken on the show so far.) Brian, having been first at the scene, gains some notoriety for whatever that's worth.
A note's going on about Angela having sex with Jordan, and it's honestly hilarious. I mean, the situation is trash, as most of high school is, but the NOTE, y'all. (Brian started the rumor and I legit said aloud, "Go fuck yourself," when he attempted to explain himself.) Jordan, in the meantime, runs the gamut of, "Maybe we should just do it," to "I'll tell everybody I have zero interest in you."
It's an artifact about the world we live in that I have absolutely nothing to say about this discussion of schools and guns and student trauma and bullying and police searches. Because, like, I've done more than one training session on active shooter situations and I've been in a campus lockdown and yeah. I have nothing to say.
Brian refuses to snitch on Rickie, so there's that.
- 1.04 Father Figures
I'm generally uninterested in the Chase parents, but I was pretty charmed at how Patty straight up crawled onto the dinner table to lament the idea of Graham going to a Grateful Dead concert after their IRS audit. It just seemed so...I don't know. I liked it.
The guidance counselor walks into a completely abandoned English class (what) and decides to take over (whaaaat) and has the students write three sentences on Alive and then trade and diagram them (WHAAAAAAAT.)
Oh, and Graham gives a THRILLED Rayanne and an ambivalent Angela tickets to see the Grateful Dead, and then Angela spontaneously gives them to Jordan to scalp in order to pay him back for the fake ID that she absolutely cannot use because it has the wrong dates on it. In case you'd forgotten that hormones make people stupid.
"That's what it's like to raise a girl. Walking on eggshells half the time." And that's how Patty's father earned this episode's requisite, "Oh, go fuck yourself."
Also, Angela claims she listens to Rage Against the Machine because she's a straight-up LIAR.
- 1.05 The Zit
We could talk about the titular zit and Angela's obsession with being objectified and Patty's nostalgia for her high school years and Sharon's boobs, but I honestly care so much more about the five seconds of Rickie bidding farewell to the girls' bathroom.
Brian is generally gross, but any scene with him and Rickie is amazing. And also Sharon's boyfriend is terrifyingly perfect? And Rickie is perfect with Patty? And then Jordan asks Brian if The Metamorphosis is FICTION or NOT?
This was a good episode for the gentlemen, is what I'm saying. But also, the scene with Sharon and Angela talking about GIrl Scouts is adorable. But also, Patty and Angela finally getting on the same page about beauty and whatevs is super nice.
And then it turns out Danielle wanted to do the pageant! That poor kid. That poor, neglected kid. I'm glad she got to do the modeling thing with her mom.
This episode is GREAT.
- 1.06 The Substitute
Oh god, I cannot even begin to tell you how much dread overtakes me when I realize some fictional narrative is going to bring in a special guest English teacher. Or, maybe you read my response to The Chair. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But also, I half-expected "Gangsta's Paradise" to start playing as Lord John Marbury entered the classroom.
It's one thing to say you want authenticity from your students. It's an entirely other thing to tell them they haven't done anything of worth unless they bare their entire soul to him. Thank GOD it turns out he's trash.
Things I dig: Jordan Catalano CAN'T READ. Sharon and Rayanne bonding over smutty poetry. Angela realizing that people can be absolute bullshit and still say things that are true.
- 1.07 Why Jordan Can't Read
"I think I'm finally over him." Oh, honey. You sweet summer child.
I really miss art museums, guys. Like, a lot.
So, like. We're just never gonna talk about the actual why, are we? But, I mean, why should we delve into that when there's scintillating dialogue like, "We should tell the other Embryos." You know. The FROZEN. EMBRYOS.
I appreciate Jordan both for apologizing for kissing Angela while she was talking (good memory, my dude) and also his reason for bailing on her. It's just so...pure. (Not that he should have bailed on her, but truer words, you know?) Also, I love that he just randomly and sincerely opened up to Rickie?
Rayanne trying to talk to Sharon about sex is just, god, my heart is filled with sorrow.
- 1.08 Strangers in the House
I just want all these kids to be friends, okay?
Also, Patty, you've got three teenagers, two adults, and a pre-teen in the house and you think a single large pizza is going to cut it for dinner? I mean, I guess you were all preoccupied with being about to fire your husband and all, but still.
- 1.09 Halloween
For the record, I hate Halloween. I hate costumes. I hate the entire thing.
Anyway, that teacher earns the earliest, "Oh, go fuck yourself," so far with her, "There are too many good kids, I don't have time for the bad ones." Get the hell out of teaching, lady.
I can't decide which is funnier: Danielle cosplaying as Angela, or her parents' terrified reaction when they thought it was for real.
- 1.10 Other People's Mothers
Poor Rayanne. Trapped in the sad cliche of a "fun" parent actually being negligent. And WOW, poor Patty has the worst kind of attentive parents.
"The karma in this house is ridiculous." Uh...that's not how karma works, sweetie.
That Angela follows, "I know what to do," with a call to Patty for help ("Mommy, I really need you") and then Rickie's like, "Did you ever try to protect someone so much that it, like, hurt?" I want to hug everyone.
- 1.11 Life of Brian
How DARE they try to make me sympathize with Brian. What about Delia, huh? Why should I prioritize this fuckin' guy and the feelings he has about his dick? Angela's not asking you to the dance, YOU JACKASS, she wants a ride. In your CAR. Because you're NEIGHBORS. You made Delia CRY while she was at WORK. And then you tell Rickie he can't hang out with you at the dance. (But also: Angela, geez.)
Meanwhile, Jordan continues to spook when Angela attempts to have a conversation with him, which is actually hilarious.
Why aren't we spending this episode with Rickie? Like, a human being who isn't 100% a proto-incel. Who has the type of complex inner landscape that isn't often represented in popular culture. Wouldn't that be nice?
Patty and Graham cackling about Angela's accidental date with Brian was awesome. Almost as awesome as Jordan's "Why are you like this? Like, how you are?"
- 1.12 Self Esteem
Angela and Jordan are a thing now? I mean, on the down low and all. How do they make it all the way to the boiler room when they can only communicate in fraught silences?
IT IS NOT WORTH IT, GIRL. If Sharon and Rayanne are joining forces, it's a sign.
In other news, Rickie's got a mentor and it's throwing him off.
But yeah:
"Admit it first."
"Admit what?"
"That all of this happened."
Ooooooooof.
- 1.13 Pressure
Sooooo that escalated quickly.
There is something extremely gross about, like, waiting around an unoccupied house with three bedrooms, waiting for some other couple to finish fucking so they could take their turn. Like, the car is way a better option, c'mon.
Imagine how very differently all of this would have gone down (heh) if Angela had had the internet, my god. Sharon bringing over that video is solid, solid friendshipping. Brian and Rickie watching it in the A/V room is hilaaaaaaarious.
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Anyway, Hallie's pretty annoying.
- 1.14 On the Wagon
Wait, how long were Angela and Jordan dating? At what point did he memorize her locker number? These two aren't so much broken up as they're on a break.
Meanwhile, Rayanne is Not Okay. She's finished up her mandated counseling, she's feel disconnected from her friends, and she is falling off the wagon with nary a hesitation. Then, when Tino quits the Frozen Embryos, she decides she should be the new lead singer.
It does not go well, but Jordan steps up, and I guess that's good?
The best scene, I think, is when Angela randomly sits down with her parents and talks about her feelings for three straight minutes, hugs Patty, and then walks away, leaving them stunned. "It's okay. She'll ignore you for another month just to make up for it." "I know."
- 1.15 So-Called Angels
Rickie. TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD. Because, yeah, he's abused and homeless and hungry and he deserves all and every hug available. I wish Patty and Graham had been a little more chill so that Ricky'd have a sofa to sleep on. I wish he really was crashing at Brian's house. I really wish Patty and Graham hadn't gone to the frickin' COPS to clean out the warehouse.
I dig Jordan about 35% more now. (Also, uh, he and Angela are hand-holding friends again?)
"What is this big thing about Christmas? Everyone talks about it like it's the Second Coming or something." Brian Krakow, everybody, accidentally making the funniest joke in this episode.
Rayanne and Sharon working a teen helpline was pretty great. Brian calling the helpline, oof. (Rayannnnnnnne, girl, why must you.) Jordan sitting alone lighting a candle, oof.
Yeah, not talking about the Very Special Guest Star or whatever. "How did you die," seriously?
- 1.16 Resolutions
What's funnier in the whole sequence of inner thoughts: Angela pondering at length whether she's too introspective, or Jordan being like, "Wait a second. Isn't tonight, like, New Year's Eve?"
Angela, stop doing Jordan's homework. Jordan is...actually...doing the right thing? Though, uh, if you were still dating Angela, it still wouldn't be okay. *facepalm*
Also, uh, non-girlfriends don't sign up their non-boyfriends for tutoring. THAT SAID, Jordan resigns himself to the work pretty dang quickly. Also: "Brain Kray-cow?" And then Jordan turns out to be a surprisingly GREAT wingman for Brian. And then Jordan, taking a shot with, "You could have sex with me, though, if you really want to help." Nice.
ALL JORDAN WANTS TO DO IS LEARN HOW TO READ.
I am SO ANGRY that nobody is parenting Ricky. I get why he opted to bounce from the Chase home, but SOMEBODY. PLEASE. HUG THIS KID. It took this mediocre English teacher WAY too long to get his act together.
Kyle handing Sharon a squeaky teddy bear was like, Oh, honey.
- 1.17 Betrayal
OH MY GOD. RAYANNE. JORDAN. NO.
- 1.18 Weekend
Hey, a Danielle episode! I am much more excited about this than the Brian one.
In a hilarious series of incidents, Rayanne ends up handcuffed to Graham and Patty's bed which, given her current cold war with Angela, is pretty awkward. (Do I care about Patty and Graham's awkward weekend with Neil and his new girlfriend, Doctor Kerry Weaver? Nope.) Angela trying to prevent Sharon's mom from retrieving said handcuffs? Our girl is NOT a great liar. "I need to talk to you." "About what?" "...Justice."
Danielle's intense crush on Brian totally tracks.
- 1.19 In Dreams Begin Responsibilities
"Help me, Brain. Help me figure out something good to say to Angela."
Does...does Jordan actually think Brian's name is Brain? And GOOD GOD, does Jordan seduce Brian into doing it, there is no argument that can be made to unmake that happening.
Meanwhile, poor, poor Delia has a thing for Rickie, and while, hell, WHO CAN BLAME HER, why must she suffer so much heartbreak in the space of a year?
And god, Rickie. "This could be my chance to be straight." Thank GOD Delia is sweetly badass.
We don't ever learn a lot about Jordan Catalano and I'm sort of heartbroken, mostly because that kid is frickin' damaged and I had to sit through an ENTIRE EPISODE about Brian's goddamn manpain.
I want Angela to be happy, but did she...did she really think Jordan wrote that letter? And the problem being that, like, I think Jordan has all those feelings? He just doesn't have, like, any of those words. Girl, do you even, like, know anything about Jordan? Because it now seems like you really, really don't.
So I'm pretty sure the secret and actual love story of this series is Rayanne and Sharon, because WOW do those two not want to admit how much they dig each other.
HOW DARE. HOW DARE THIS SHOW.
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