I wonder what it would have been like to watch this movie without knowing its central conceit: That is, Ryan Reynolds plays an NPC in an FPS named Free City and, one day, he becomes aware.
It's like if The Matrix was an action comedy, I guess, because when Guy breaks out of his loop after seeing a player he thinks is his dream girl, well. The game--and the game mods--do not take it well. Further, while Free City is a Grand Theft Auto-style crime free-for-all, Guy (named "Blue Shirt Guy" by meatspace folk), levels up like a mofo by stopping crime.
The most heart-breaking thing might be when Guy tries to offer his security-guard NPC buddy, uh, Buddy, a set of player-sunglasses and Buddy, tearfully, turns down the opportunity to take control of his own life.
Anyway, Millie--along with game mod Keys, one of the creators of the game--enters the scene in order to search for traces of the original code (the company forced her out and maintains her code isn't being used anymore) and Guy sees her. AND THE AI COMES TO LIFE.
Lots of stuff happens, but it's possible the Channing Tatum cameo is the high point? I mean, there's also the corporate synergy of legit pulling in Avengers AND Star Wars into the mix. But still.
BUT ALSO Jodie Comer's cover of Mariah Carey's "Fantasy."
Reminiscence, 09 November 2021, Blu-ray via Redbox
So, like, Hugh Jackman and Thandiwe Newton run a business where you can dip into a sensory-deprivation tank and then completely immerse yourself in old memories. I feel like this has been done before, but I legit can't remember where I've seen it.
Then, as with all noir, Mae, a dame with some real gams--a lounge singer, even--comes into his office. She's got a problem but she doesn't want to talk about it.
And we flash forward into the future! And Hugh Jackman has become addicted to the very thing he was dealing! The lady with her gams (Rebecca Ferguson, btw), left without a word and he is NOT OKAY with it. Months have passed, but he keeps reliving their time together, trying to figure it out.
Oh, this is the post-apocalyptic future where Miami is partially underwater. For the record. Part of their business is, actually, delving to the memories of detained criminals, Inception style.
And who should he see in the mind of a comatose gangster but MAE. Dum-dum-dummmm! He ends up traveling down to New Orleans, where he meets Saint Joe, a drug kingpin who speaks with a Cajun accent and a heaping helping of Mandarin.
I was looking for a translation of a couple of words to determine the dialect--hooray for untranslated languages--and found this little blog post with a few terms and a fun comparison of this film to the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, which is neato. I like the idea of a noir version of a Greek myth, y'know?
Anyway, the coolest part of this movie are all the shots of Jackman traveling across the floodlands on a subway built to skim the waves.
Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
, 14 November 2021, streamed via Disney+I kept meaning to see this in the theatre first, but my movie theatres were smack-dab in the middle of some hot zones, so. Ugh. Pandemics. Anyway, I went into this film 90% cold--all I knew was what was in the trailers, PLUS, Shang-Chi is in a corner of the Marvel comics universe that I never explored. What a RIDE this is when you have no idea what to expect!
That first battle between Shang-Chi's parents was adorable, because I was like, Silly earth bender, you can't beat an air bender just by throwing stuff at them! (We really don't grapple with the fact that Wenwu is, like, a thousand-year-old warlord with some absolutely unexplained magical artifacts. One. Thousand. But sure, he'll run out to the store for groceries. Seriously, what happened to the entirety of his horde-turned-corporation while he was off being a family man for seven years or whatever?)
It is fairly hilarious that there are absolutely NO consequences for Our Heroes after the bus fight. The extremely awesome bus fight. And seriously, mad props to the dude filming the whole thing. I salute his dedication. (Also, Razorfist tells Shang-Chi, "You and your sister deserve what's coming," and what's coming is...a family reunion in a magical dimension? Cool. Cool cool cool.)
Also, these two full-time valet drivers can just, like, fly off to Macau at the drop of a hat? Really? (I love Katy's arc through this, abbreviated though it is. Stubborn best friend, plucky fellow hostage, sudden expert in archery. I dig, y'all.)
"The Mandarin. He gave his figurehead the name of a chicken dish. And it worked." On one hand, way to acknowledge the outrageous frickin' racism of Iron Man 3. On the other hand, that was, like, the tiniest nod to the existence of racism this movie could have managed while still doing it.
But did I think Ben Kingsley would, like, actually pop up here? Lordy. I don't even know what to do with Morris. No idea at all. (Let's also make note that Wenwu's army are big fans of Shakespearean monologues.)
So, like, Wenwu is an earth Bender and Jiang Li was an air bender (as is her sister), and it turns out Shang-Chi is a water bender and Xialing is a fire bender. This family, y'all.
And I knew there would be a dragon from the trailers, but I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR A KAIJU BATTLE. KAIJU ERRYWHERE. WHERE ARE WE.
And no big romance thing! Except poor, deluded, soul-sucked Wenwu and his dead wife.
Practical Magic, 28 November 2021, streamed via HBO Max
The Buffering the Vampire Slayer folks planned a livewatch, so why not? I've never watched this film before, anyway, nor have I read Hoffman's novel. Though now I'm like, how did I miss a movie that starred both Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman? It's like I didn't even grow up in the 90s or something.
Meanwhile, Stockard Channing's and Dianne Wiest's characters are 100% the auntie vibes I'll have in a couple of decades, I'm pretty sure. LOVE IS A CURSE, MY DARLINGS.
Death beetles, man. Ye cannae escape them. In other news, their dancing is 100% my dancing, go fig.
I didn't expect a sad family drama, so imagine how pleased I was when this turned into a "He Needed Killing" comedic thriller. (How much time did I spend screaming, BURN THE BODY at my TV? A fair amount.)
This movie probably would have worked a lot better for me if I thought Aidan Quinn was at all attractive, but.
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