When, close the beginning of the movie, the titular protagonist crosses over from her native Austria and into her new home, France, then hugs the mistress of her household, bids goodbye to all her friends, is stripped of her clothing, and is robbed of her Austrian puppy (You can have as many FRENCH dogs as you want, they tell her), you sort of see how everything is already going to go wrong for her.
The French court, meeting her, whisper about the size of her bosom, about how she looks like a child, sniping, "I hope you like apple strudel," and oh my god, what a tragedy this is going to be. (Was she legit so isolated? I would have guessed, as Austrian royalty, she would have been allowed to keep her own contingent in some way.) Also, her new husband seems rather uninterested in consummating the union, and everybody blames her for failing to "inspire" her husband.
DIrector Sofia Coppola makes the excellent choice of having Dunst speak in her natural American accent, while almost everybody else feigns that pseudo-British accent that's supposed to stand in for all other languages. Often the soundtrack is overlaid by constant, vicious whispers of gossip, and the emphasis on the ornate and unrelenting routine magnifies how Marie is slowly, slowly becoming more shallow because she isn't given any other guidance or, indeed, any space to do otherwise.
Once Marie finally has children, you can see how things might have shifted for her, but by then, it's rather too late.
Morocco, 10 December 2021, DVD
Gary Cooper and Marlene Dietrich star in this, and y'know, I've never watched any whole movie starring them. But guys, Marlene Dietrich is in a tux and top hat in this film. *fans self*
Dietrich plays a lounge singer named Amy who travels to Morocco. She's courted by a rich Frenchman, La Bessiere, but her heart is captured by Tom, a formerly womanizing Legionnaire.
Unfortunately Tom's last affaire de coeur was with the wife of a superior officer, so yeah, he gets dragged into battle to get "accidentally" shot. He escapes, though, and there's some back-and-forth where he and Amy try to decide if they're seriously serious about each other or what.
In a nice surprise, it turns out La Bessiere is a stand-up dude. When he realizes how much Amy is into Tom, he drives her to the hospital when Tom is wounded and makes sure Tom won't be court-martialed for skipping out. (It's kind of weird that Tom's readiness to desert is played unremarkably–still punishable, but not..wrong? It could be the time period, maybe, or the Legion itself. I need more context.)
"Do you…love him?"
"I don't know. I hope not."
Awwww. Still, Amy allllmost marries La Bessiere, until she sees Tom marching off on another campaign.
Did you know movies used to have love triangles that weren't angry and petty? I didn't know they could do that!
Eternals, 13 December 2021, Riverdale 10 VIP Cinema
Prior to viewing the Eternals, I knew two things: It was about some magic immortal people and they had cast three of the most gorgeous women in the world. (Lauren Ridloff is also beautiful, but I was unfamiliar with her prior to the movie.)
As pretty much everyone has already noted, Eternals is a pretty obscure corner of the Marvel universe--I'd never read anything that includes them. That they attempted to film this narrative almost entirely separate from the rest of the MCU, well. It is not a flex I would have expected, and I'll guess it didn't pay off as well as they'd hoped.
That said, I enjoyed the heck out of it. It did, after all, feature a number of things that are guaranteed candy for me:
- Slytherin ladies
- Handsome dudes who are functionally golden retrievers
- Boring everyday lives of people with extraordinary powers
- Delightfully improbable historical inserts
- So. Much. Diversity. *heart eyes*
I mean, I look askance at the fact that they all had different accents even 7000 years ago, but whatevs. I love that we had all these relatively platonic but titanium-strong bonds between folks of all genders. I like that they all scattered across the world because they had different worldviews, different ambitions, and different moralities.
I have no idea where they plan to go with this, but I'm in. Of course I'm in.
Also, bring me alllll the Makkari/Druig fic. ALL OF IT. Immediately.
, 18 December 2021, Regal Edwards Corona Crossings
On one level, I feel about this movie somewhat like I feel about the Khan reveal in Star Trek Into Darkness. The lack of response to casting chismis is as much of a response as a confirmation. On another level, OMFG THAT WAS AMAZING GUYS.
I mean, can you imagine if someone watched this movie with, like, ZERO knowledge about the previous iterations of Spider-man? Like, they get to see all the jump scare Easter eggs, but they don't get that haptic thrill of recognition that other folks do.
The MCU Spider-movies are really interesting because they, unlike the other versions (which have their flaws but are still quite enjoyable), Tom Holland is believably a teenager. (I mean, he's 25, which in Hollywood years is functionally teen.) And further, he's a teenager who acts like a teenager with his goofy teenage friends and his goofy teenage girlfriend.
And then, on the other hand, we have the superhero life, which certainly divides Peter's attention, BUT is probably on equal levels to him in terms of emotional inner landscape, because hormones. Like, we as the audience can barely fathom the import of world- and universe-destroying threats--how can this adorable kid do it? And conversely, why shouldn't this adorable kid think that his reality-altering resources can be applied to some Very Important Life Things?
But this story, in a lot of ways, as a lot of critics have noted, is about the heart of Peter Parker, because he's just a sweet dude who wants to help people in whatever way he can, because he takes the advice he's given by his family to heart.
Oh god, someone just give this kid a hug already.
The Lion in Winter, 20 December 2021, streamed via BFI Player Classics
I'm pretty sure I read this script, but I did not actually watch the movie until now, and ye gods, it's glorious. I'm shaky on the actual history, but in the narrative, Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine is in prison after trying to help one of her sons overthrow his father, Henry II. I mean, she's confined to a place, but not denied the comforts of being a queen, it looks like. And then she gets to go home for Christmas!
In contrast to Eleanor, force of nature, we've got Alais, Henry's current paramour and also fiancee to the next king and also raised from childhood by Eleanor WTF. She's not fierce in the way Eleanor is fierce, but she's steadfast and super-annoyed with everybody. (Why does she love Henry? History will never tell.)
Alais, for the record, is the sister of King Phillip of France, whose father used to be married to Eleanor. Also, Phillip was in a relationship with Richard, though there's some argument about the nature of said relationship. Anyway, none of the three brothers--Richard, Geoffrey, John--can feasibly lead a coup against their father without the backing of Phillip.
Eleanor's relationship with her sons is so complex and bitter and sarcastic. This scene is pretty masterful:
While most of the attention is paid to Eleanor's conflict with Henry, and the boys' conflict with each other, I found myself most touched by the extremely loving and extremely antagonistic relationship between Eleanor and Alais. At one point, Alais just breaks down in Eleanor's arms and it's heartbreaking.
The Matrix Resurrections, 22 December 2021, streamed via HBO Max
I rewatched the original trilogy a few months ago and remembered why I loved the first movie, dug the second movie, and stared at the third movie with surprised confusion. So what would this iteration bring us?
For me, at least, the fourth Matrix film is a joyful meta-tastic wonder. Do you remember the first movie? it asks us. If not, let me show you.
Given that, in Matrix Revolutions, both Neo and Trinity, like, died, the first question we have to ask is…what the hell, dude? Why does it look like we're back in the Matrix--and at the beginning, in the same loop that started the series in the first place? ("No, lieutenant, your men are already dead.")
We don't get the answers for that right away, but we do dive deep into the life of an older Thomas Anderson, video game developer and the epitome of quiet desperation. The events of the movies? Totally just the storyline for the series of uber-popular video games he made. Poor Thomas, however, is hallucinating--he sometimes thinks all that was real. Crazy, right? And it doesn't help that his boss wants him to create a sequel.
It turns out the life of an acclaimed and award-winning game designer can be pretty bleak. And lonely.
In terms of crafting things, M4 can get suuuuuper obvious in what it's doing (which is the point), but I admire how they manage to make their 2021 SFX look like their 1999 SFX without cheapening our perceptions of either. It retains the sense of uncanny and inevitability that made the first film so mesmerizing. (YMMV, I guess.)
It's kind of great the way they chose to recast/revamp some roles. Jessica Henwick is, of course, glorious as our hybrid Neo/Trinity POV character. GIVE HER ALL THE ROLES because I love her. Jonathan Groff as Thomas's techbro boss AND a reskinned Agent Smith is…surprisingly accurate, but I guess that's what you get when you hire Jonathan Groff. And OMG Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as an Agent Smith clone AND a reskinned Morpheus, kind of, is spectacular. (Have y'all watched Watchmen? This man, people.) And all three of these newcomers are having the time of their lives, srsly.
One of the things that irritates about the original trilogy--not aggravating, but demanding attention--is how Trinity, complete badass, slowly becomes suborned to "love interest" as Neo's hero's journey manifests. She is, we know from her very first appearance, faster, cooler, stronger, and more steadfast than Neo, AND YET.
I'm willing to bet there's a lot of gatekeeper bro rage about the re-centering of Trinity in the story, but she's not replacing Neo. Evil NPH is very clear about that: The story doesn't work unless both of them are in the narrative. It's like, they took a look at my sideeye and responded with, "Why not both?"
I love this movie, y'all. I love it. It took my absolute adoration of the first movie, added twenty years of English major brain, and served this up to me like the jewel it is.
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