King Richard | Belfast | Uncharted | Luca | House of Gucci | Ascension
King Richard, 08 February 2022, Blu-ray via Redbox
It's, like, three minutes into the film when some white tennis coach tells the eponymous Richard to have his girls learn basketball instead and HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL no.
I don't actually know much about Venus and Serena Williams, so this is mostly all new information to me. I'm always fascinated by parents who just decide their kids are going to be geniuses at one particular sport when they're only teeny children. How do you know? What if you're wrong? And how must it feel for the kids? Like, there's pushing a kid and there's pushing, you know? To what extent do those overlap?
Anyway, it is hilarious at the first competition montage how all the wypipo throw tantrums when Venus dominates everybody. Why so angry, folks? Compared to the five Williams sisters, compared to their steadfast mother, though, everybody else'd look pretty sour.
But MAN, at the point where Brandy, the girls' mom, seethes, "I stay here because of my girls. I stay here because I answer to something higher than Richard Williams and you better be glad," it's a kind of relief. Richard might possibly be right about a lot of things, but over time, as the girls grow up, well. He's still got a lot to learn.
, 19 February 2022, Riverdale 10 VIP Cinema
It was only as the film started that I realized with chagrin that I was about to watch a movie of unrelenting Irish accents and no subtitles. Also, it was only a few months ago that I watched Jamie Dornan in Wild Mountain Thyme, so I spent every one of his scenes thinking, HE IS A BEE. HE BELIEVES HE IS A HONEYBEE.
I briefly wondered whether this film would land for folks who didn't know about The Troubles, but then again, who's going to watch a black-and-white Kenneth Branagh biopic and not know what they were, y'know? Whether or not you're familiar, though, it helps that the majority of the film is lensed so that we see things from a child's point of view. Car bombs and impromptu riots don't get any scarier, y'all.
Uncharted, 19 February 2022, Riverdale 10 VIP Cinema
Are you somebody who would enjoy a chaotic neutral Peter Parker, sans spider-powers? Have I got a movie for you!
I never played the game Uncharted, but the adventure puzzling isn't unfamiliar. Tom Holland plays Nathan Drake, an orphaned kid descended from Sir Francis Drake is separated from his older brother and grows up to become a light-fingered walking history textbook. (This film DESPERATELY needed a couple of interstitials that showed us how young Drake picked up both his extensive historical knowledge and the ability to pickpocket anyone.) One day, Sully, who claims to be an old friend of Nathan's brother, shows up and challenges him to ADVENTURE or something. On the way, they meet a wealthy piratey guy played by Antonio Banderas, a hot actual modern-day pirate played by Tati Gabrielle, and a parkouring frenemy played by Sophia Ali.
Anyway, there's a lot of chases and jumps and exotic locales. As they're searching for the lost fortune of Sir Francis Drake, they naturally end up in the Philippines. There's a pretty audacious final setpiece that managed to be an awesome surprise.
SPOILERS when they lose the bulk of the treasure--knocking it out of the villains' hands--Sully sees the wrecks sink and laments that, relocated to an open area, the goods belong to the Philippines now, and I'm like, FUCK YOU, COLONIZERS, YOUR GOLD IS OURS.
, 26 February 2022, streamed via Disney+
So this is, like, a Little Mermaid situation, it looks like? Except with less patriarchy and more queer metaphors, I mean. See, the eponymous Luca is a sea monster who wants to live among humans, and when he runs away from his family in rebellion, he meets up with fellow sea monster Alberto and whaddya know, sea monsters turn into humanish folk when they're dry! Go figure. (In an underlying runner, Alberto was abandoned by his family; Luca seems to be the first company he's had in years.)
Having invested deeply into a magazine ad for a Vespa, the boys enter themselves into a triathlon, joining up with a spunky local named Giulia. The triathlon is three parts--swimming, pasta-eating, and biking--but since Giulia's only a part-time local, she's never had a team of her own. The boys team up with her, all while trying to stay as dry as possible because, OH NO, the village is super into hunting sea monsters.
Anyway, when a sudden rainstorm outs the boys, Giulia and her father's staunch support of the boys leads to the entire village giving up on their centuries-long enmity for those of the deep. I guess? Best, however, is a quick bit where two old ladies who have been in the background a TON look at each other, shrug, then toss their umbrellas aside.
They're sea monsters too! The gays live amongst you, small town minds! Don't let your preconceived notions prevent you from connecting with other people who might be different from you!
, 28 February 2022, Blu-ray via Redbox
Good lord, this movie has no idea what it wants to be. Satirical biopic? Full-out comedy? A two-hour attempt to make Adam Driver and Lady Gaga look doofy?
I mean, sure?
, 28 February 2022, streamed via Paramount+
What's work-life balance like in China? Would you have ever guessed that was the topic of this documentary, based on its poster? (I actually used this in one of my classes--the students stared at it for a while and couldn't figure out what it was about.)
Well, not so much work-life balance as it is an implied comparison between how capitalism has shaped the mythic American Dream and "the Chinese Dream" might parallel. In practice, what it means is 90+ minutes of factory workers in China and HR orientations, beautifully filmed, voiceoverless, set to some peppy rhythms. It's a really fascinating watch.
And my Oscar-watching continues on!
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