Iron Man, 15 July 2020, streamed via Disney+
- Remember back before this movie came out and Robert Downey Jr was mostly known for being sent to prison because of his troubles with cocaine? Bless the MCU just for that, honestly.
- It is extremely gross that they make Leslie Bibb’s reporter all hard-hitting in order for her immediate seduction funnier. (I mean, women can do whatever they want, but this is scripted, after all.) And then having Pepper call her “the trash” as she sends her off, ugh. And then running with the dude and his assistant being in love, because that’s such an incredibly new kind of relationship. Iron Man is pretty misogynist, is what I’m saying. (Yes, Pepper is great, but could she be great without reinforcing stereotypes?)
- I had 100% forgotten this idyll in the desert. And that the original thingy was to keep shrapnel static! Huh. I will have to keep track of how they treat it in later movies.
- Let’s pour one out for Yinsen, guys. He deserved so much better.
- The MCU does not give one good goddamn about the whole “not killing” thing. It’s refreshing, in its own way, but it gets way more disturbing over time.
- It is indescribably badass that Tony, bullet in his heart and prisoner in a cave, only needed three months and an old laptop to create and perfect two entirely new and effective technologies by hand.
- COULSON.
- The entire engineering segment is utterly delightful, and I am kind of sad that we have to get into all the bad guy stuff. Movies about the triumph of creation are fun, too!
- Tony’s Iron Man project is interesting, psychologically, because it’s not (just) a reaction to his captivity, or even Yinsen telling him to live a good life. It’s a direct rebuke to Obadiah’s warmongering. Instead of combating capitalism, he decides to just completely obviate the need for weapons personally.
- Why would they let Tony back at a press conference? And expect him to stay on script? You fools!
The Incredible Hulk, 16 July 2020, DVD
- I like that we start out with these foggy impressions of the origin story (including poor Betty in the hospital), rather than traditional flashbacks. And the violence is actually scarier when it’s only accompanied by the score, without voices or a ton of sound effects.
- Y’know, I wouldn’t have expected Bruce Banner to evade the authorities for so long. Like, dude is smart, but the kind of smart that forgets half their luggage on the carousel.
- Every once in a while, I superimpose Ruffalo over Norton and it kind of works? But I seriously cannot see Norton’s version of Banner bantering with Cap and Thor, you know?
- Banner’s “I’m always angry” in Avengers puts an interesting cast onto his time on the run. This isn’t a guy studying techniques to stay calm, this is a guy who is trying to never allow his baseline self out. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” is actually, “Let me keep pretending for you.” And the “I’m always angry” is the answer to how he keeps calm because he can’t get more angry than he already is.
- We’re just gonna skip over the fact that Banner crossed multiple national borders without any documentation? Okay.
- The MCU is pretty rough on rebound dudes, yeah?
- It’s almost cute how they keep trying bullets on the Hulk. C’mon, guys. You would’ve saved a lot of equipment if you’d started with the sonic thing, at least.
- How Sterns got any of his experiments past IRB is beyond me.
- Poor Harlem. Smashed up by double Hulks, then the whole alien invasion thing. No wonder Mariah Stokes and Cottonmouth were able to take over so quickly.
- I know it’s pretty common, but I am quite weary of the big bad being just, like, a meaner version of the hero. Dark version of the self, etc and whatever.
- So we’ve established that Banner is on the run from this movie to Avengers. So why is Tony talking to the general about the Avengers Initiative? Do they want the data so they can prep for recruitment?
Iron Man 2, 17 July 2020, streamed via Disney+
- I remain a little sad they didn’t go all in on the Demon in a Bottle storyline. Making the palladium poisoning a substitute for substance abuse--Tony’s addicted to the suit--is interesting, but actually less successful. It’s easy enough to see Tony being extra dickish and Tony slowly poisoning himself as two separate threads.
- I’m sure I mentioned this before, but it’s amazing how consistently the originating villain of an MCU movie is Tony Stark. The Avengers aren’t avenging anything--they’re slowly uncovering every sin Stark Industries has committed.
- The Iron Man cheerleaders at Stark Expo are both the most perfect and grossest touch to showcase Tony Stark, billionaire. Then he declares himself a phoenix and also that America no longer needs a military? Whew. (It’s going to be a while before I get to Endgame, but WOW their Tony character arc is comprehensive.) Also: ”I have successfully privatized world peace.” Good lord, Tony. You might be everything I stand against.
- Making Pepper the CEO of Stark Industries resolves SO many issues. Also, it makes much more sense. (How relieved will the board be when they find out?) Then they do...whatever they were trying to do with Black Widow. And also the way they continue to slut-shame Christine the reporter. (Leslie Bibb deserves better, YOU MONSTERS.)
- It’s kind of hilarious that Rhodey straight up just stole a suit.
- Officially introducing Black Widow with a four-second shot of her ass isn’t the way, guys.
- Those were perfectly good strawberries, Tony! You could have given them to someone else!
- I legit don’t understand why Tony’s in trouble with the government. Like, the technology is proprietary but the military stole a prototype. What do they need Tony for anymore?
- I once quibbled with the idea of Tony synthesizing a new element in his garage, but this is the dude who invented time travel, so.
- Tony’s face when he realized his father had left him the blueprint for a new element is a quality bit of acting. Awe, sorrow, joy, envy. Dang, RDJ.
- The cockatoo is both the least relevant and most interesting thing about Vanko. HOWEVER, him hacking the drones with a song in his heart is way crunchier than those dumb electrical whips he had before.
- The two seconds of a drone aiming at a kid wearing an Iron Man mask is horrifying.
- Seeing Natasha casually smash through all of Hammer’s security ALMOST makes up for the gratuitous shot of her wearing only a bra. Also, that is a TON of hair to have swinging loose when you’re casually strolling through a weapons development facility.
- Iron Man and War Machine amidst a storm of cherry blossoms surrounded by robots is such a gorgeous hat tip to anime.
- Wait, Tony’s “Mr” and not “Dr”? But I guess his degree is likely masters in engineering? And if he was such a prodigy or whatever AND didn’t need research funding, I guess a doctorate is pretty extraneous.
Thor, 18 July 2020, streamed via Disney+
- Even after all this time, I remain unclear on whether the Bifrost is a metaphor or an actual bridge.
- Odin telling Li’l Thor and Loki they were both born to be kings BUT there was only one throne makes sense for a dude who banished his daughter Hela to another dimension because she was too ambitious. Like, had you trained Loki up to be the master of whispers, the sun would never have set on Asgard. (Just like all the ills of MCU proper can be traced back to Stark Industries, everything wrong in Asgard is entirely Odin’s fault.)
- Wait, how has Sif never met up with Valkyrie?
- Seeing all of Thor’s brave companions makes me sad that Hela kills all of them in Ragnarok.
- I know it should get less funny, seeing Thor repeatedly knocked out, but it doesn’t. I snicker every single time.
- Oh dang, I totally forgot Hawkeye was in this movie.
- They totally dropped the whole “Loki is a frost giant” thing, didn’t they? Like, that ice power could have been pretty useful in a lot of situations.
- It is very unclear why Jane and Thor become a thing, aside from the fact that they’re roughly an equal level of attractive?
- Heimdall must get SO TIRED of all these Asgardians yelping for him from every realm.
- ”There will never be a wiser king than you. Or a better father.” Oh, Thor, honey. You need to meet more people.
Captain America: The First Avenger, 19 July 2020, streamed via Disney+
- I’m no expert on cryogenics, but how exactly is Steve pretty much in the same state as before the crash? He wasn’t dipped in liquid nitrogen or anything like that.
- I’m not the only one who expects all of Hugo Weaving’s characters to start out saying, “No lieutenant, your men are already dead.” The movie doesn’t matter: Elrond, the Red Skull, whatever. Your men are already dead.
- Pre-serum Steve is hella uncanny valley. But they pretty effectively demonstrate how awesome our lovable patriotic nerd is. (For real, though: Couldn’t he sign on as a medic? The obsession with being a soldier is a scow brimming with toxic masculinity.)
- I desperately want to know how exasperated Tony Stark’s mother was on a daily basis.
- AGENT PEGGY CARTER. I do appreciate that they show she’s already, like, 85% into Steve before he gets all amped up.
- No matter how many times I watch it, that grenade test gets me every time.
- ”But you’re keeping the outfit, right?” Do not even start with me, Bucky. I don’t have time to write fanfic about you.
- Dear god, it’s Natalie Dormer. Don’t trust her, Steve! Her wiles are aimed directly at the destruction of House Rogers!
- I keep wanting to say Cap’s uniform is way too visible for the field, but it does absolutely ensure that he’s going to be the focal point of any attack. Thus, he joins the collection of tanks I hold dear to my heart. (It’s just him and Wonder Woman now, but I’ll keep you posted.)
- The montage of battles is fun, but it sort of minimizes the breadth of the work they were doing.
- Ending the film on “I had a date” is pretty sadistic, except that the audience in-the-know would be expecting the stinger scene. And even then: Way too abrupt. It needed another two beats to land. But also, this is the exact point when the MCU became the most expensive TV show in history.
Marvel’s The Avengers, 20 July 2020, streamed via Disney+
- It’s only now that I’ve realized this movie is basically a very long episode of Stargate SG-1.
- Ruffalo’s quiet in this intro is terrifying. I mean, I don’t dig seeing Natasha terrified--mostly because it’s pretty contrary to everything else about her characterization--but it at least gives us a sense of how dangerous the Hulk is. (But also...does anyone in the audience NOT know how dangerous the Hulk is?)
- Our intro to Cap is a four-second shot of his ass. I guess fair’s fair.
- What’s going on with Tony’s phobia about being handed things?
- Coulson being awkward and goofy about Cap is SO WEIRD after seven seasons of Agents of SHIELD. Also weird? SHIELD having money and, like, governmental authority.
- Adding hints of Loki being coerced is pretty good cover--by this point they 100% knew what fanbait Hiddleston was. I’d bet good money they added those couple of bits much later to make him less war-crimey. (Wasn’t there a Tumblr theory or something about Loki being possessed by the tesseract, too? Like Clint and Selvig.)
- I am having a lot of feelings about Thor begging Loki to come home.
- It’s always SO UGH when superheroes fight each other for no reason except their dicks.
- ”Love is for children. I owe him a debt.” With all the wit and oratory happening, this remains the most elegantly constructed bit of dialogue of, possibly, the entire MCU.
- Look at Fury, acting all like Thor was their first encounter with other worlds when he’s had Captain Marvel on call for the past, what three decades?
- ”I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out.” Yeah, and that’s the darkest thing ever said in the MCU. You know, the universe where they erased half of all living things for five years.
- Cooooooullllsoooooon. I hope you enjoy Tahiti.
- The direction of the big battle is surprisingly coherent. So much POV swooping! Also, the design of the giant flying alien whale ship is just gorgeous.
- I always make fun of Black Widow and Hawkeye being alongside Team Punch Hard, but it also looks like they’re the only ones with, like, training for this kind of thing? And Cap, of course, with the military background, but that’s a bit different.
- I’M ALWAYS ANGRY. I love that Tony had absolute faith Bruce would show up. Also, Bruce casually strolling up to meet the giant flying alien whale ship, y’all. Give Ruffalo all the dollars.
- Okay, so, if I’m remembering Endgame right, this Loki is the Loki that’s getting a TV show, right? Which means the less war-crimey Loki of later movies is the dead one?
- Shawarma! Oh man. I could do with some of that.
WHEW. It’s kind of amazing, though, after Endgame, to see all of them so bright and shiny and hopeful. Aw, kiddos. Enjoy your youth.
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